Loved and Worthy of Love

an endless journey toward self-acceptance

Worthwhile Reads 10.23.16

Good morning! It’s Sunday, which means it’s time for another Worthwhile Reads linkup. There have been some great posts and articles out there this week, and I’m excited to pass them along!



‘Mood Light’ Turns Women Against Weight Watchers

Well, this is bullshit.

On The Subject Of Childhood Dieting

So much of this author’s story resonates with me, and she makes some excellent points about the dangers of putting kids on diets.

5 Tips For Talking (And Not Talking) About Food

Good advice for absolutely everybody, especially those close to somebody in recovery.

Dangers of the Clean Eating Trend Among Food Bloggers

Yep. Food blogging for somebody with a history of eating disorders is sketchy territory, and it can create a dangerous environment of comparison.

Life, Etc.

Universities are Making Radical New Changes In How They Deal With Rape

With campus rape a disturbingly common problem, it’s good to see progress being made.

7 Drinks To Avoid If You Don’t Want A Hangover

Going out and having a few drinks is a blast, but feeling like you were hit by a bus the next day most definitely is not.

Hugs For Your Jugs

A great post on boob-centric body positivity.

That’s all for this week, folks! Thanks to Amanda for the linkup, and enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Worthwhile Reads 10/16/16

Hello there! I’ve been quite the absent blogger lately. Life has been busy, and it seems like I’ve rarely had a minute to sleep, much less sit down to write anything. I’m a big believer in better late than never, though, and I still wanted to link up with Amanda today to share some great reads that I found around the Internet. Enjoy!



I’m Tired of Not Seeing Women Like Me In The Media

The media’s portrayal of people, especially women, is skewed and harmful. If you look around the real world, you’ll see that we come in different shapes and sizes, all of which can be healthy and happy.

Facing My Demons: An Eating Disorder Recovery Story

Getting help is terrifying, and it can feel so incredibly out-of-control and impossible. It is possible, though, and there are so many happy people on the other side who prove it.

Dr. Phil: Please Stop Triggering People With Eating Disorders

In my opinion, Dr. Phil is just like any other ratings-driven daytime TV host, although his education indicates that he should know better than to sensationalize information in the way that he does.

Healing Your Body Image Is A Journey

We’re fallible humans, and there will be many things in life with which we don’t feel entirely happy, including our bodies. That doesn’t mean that we can’t live fulfilling lives, though, and it doesn’t mean that we can’t reach a place of acceptance and contentment.


Life, Etc.

Why Are Women More Likely To Suffer From Depression Than Men?

Gender gaps like this are interesting, and they call us to think about the physiology and culture that might cause them.

How To Make Peace With Other’s False Perception Of You

We can’t control what others think of us, but we can always control our response.

Same Pen, Different Me

A personal story of the roles writing can fill over a lifetime, especially in times of healing.

Notes To My 12 Year Old Self: No One Is Perfect

I’m guessing all of us have a few things we would like to tell our middle school selves.

That’s it for this week’s links, folks. Have a fantastic remainder of your weekend, and a great Monday!


Your Body, Forever

Good morning! I haven’t written in quite a while, as I’ve had a lot going on in my life. The response to the Here Be Monsters podcast that came out last week has been phenomenal, and thank you to all of you have listened and offered words of thanks and encouragement! It has meant so much to have such positive feedback. It’s hard to put yourself out there on such a public platform, but the support that I have received has been incredible and I’m so fortunate to be able to put my story out there.


Today, I’m linking up with Amanda to say something that might be a tad alarming: your body does not stay the same forever. Allow me to repeat: your body does not stay the same forever. No matter how hard you try, how many burpees you do, how many miles you run, whether or not you have children, your body does not stay the same forever. I’m currently recovering from surgery that I had on Monday, and I can feel that my body has changed just since having that surgery. As silly as it sounds, I kind of feel like a new person and, in some ways, I am. My surgery was minor, only the removal of an ovarian cyst that appeared as though it could cause complications, yet it has changed my body. Pain that I have had in my hips for years has diminished significantly, and I have an overall sense that my body works better without that cyst.

Although I feel different, I still have the same body now that I had before my surgery, just as I have the same body that I had when I weighed 80 pounds more or 60 pounds less. Our bodies are meant to change, which is part of what makes them incredible. Our bodies change throughout our lives to accommodate changes in environment, to reflect our emotional and physical health, and to prepare us for each life stage that we encounter. They are incredible things, and we dwell far too much on keeping them the same to appreciate how miraculous it is that they can change.

I’m grateful that my body changed when I went through puberty because that’s what bodies are supposed to do. I’m grateful that my body refused to allow me to lose all of its fat when I descended into anorexia, as I know that fat protected my organs when I was at my sickest. I’m grateful that my body has changed over the last couple of years that I have had this cyst, because it let me know that something worth looking into was going on. Our bodies are meant to change, but they are always ours. How phenomenal is it that this body has changed so much, yet still carries reminders of things that happened twenty years ago? I have scars from falling off of my bike when I was learning to ride it and birthmarks that have been with me for a quarter of a century.

Our bodies tell the stories of our lives, and that is phenomenal. So, how about we stop trying to force them to do what we want them to do and start letting them tell us what they need. How about we let them change in the ways that they are meant to change and appreciate how accommodating they are of us? Our bodies are ours, forever, and they are miraculous.

Three Years Later

Good morning! I woke up this morning feeling as though I needed to write. Today is, in some senses, my recovery anniversary. Three years ago today, I left Indiana for Montana, where I would intensively focus on recovery for the next two years. As I prepared to write today’s post, I had a hard time narrowing down what it was that I wanted to say; there is so much. My life three years ago feels entirely unrecognizable, as if it happened to somebody else and I merely read about it. I remember snippets that stay with me, though, and they still send shivers down my spine. I remember the feeling of panic that was always within me, as if my heart was going to collapse in on itself with anxiety. I remember getting back from my early morning bike rides and being so cold that I couldn’t use my hands for half an hour. I remember having a breakdown when my mom changed our dinner plans. I remember the drive back to Montana with my dear cousin, feeling like a failure the entire way.

Looking back over the last few years, it is clear to me now that I was in no way a failure. I was courageously seeking a life better than the one that anorexia had offered me, and moving home was the way in which I needed to do that. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. It’s still hard for me to believe that I uprooted my life in order to seek treatment at home, but then I remember how desperate I felt. I didn’t have a choice, and in some ways I’m grateful for that. There are people who live for years, if not decades, with anorexia, bulimia, or another eating disorder because they have not yet reached a breaking point where recovery is the only option, or because they haven’t had the support necessary to pursue recovery. I’m grateful that my breaking point came early, and that I was lucky enough to have the support that I needed to halt my life full-stop and make a change.

In my pursuit of recovery, I found some excellent resources for support in addition to my friends and family, such as this website and this one. I found these resources immensely helpful and I wanted to help others in the in-between of sickness and health, which is why I began this blog. I wanted to be a resource for those who felt crazy and confused, and I hope that I have been able to help readers feel understood through this site in the way that I felt understood when I found resources for myself. None of these sites alone have made recovery easy, but they have certainly helped me along the way. Even though it sounds cliche, recovery is a journey, and each and every resource that helps us along that journey is worthwhile.

I still get down on my body. I still feel discouraged by my shape and my weight. It is still hard for me to hear people talking about diet changes and workout routines and not feel compelled to jump on board or, at the very least, feel really shitty about myself for not doing so. Recovery, for me, has not meant full body love and acceptance. I’m working on it, but I’m not there yet.

Recovery has not given me a magic key to body acceptance, but it has given me countless other things. It has meant no longer having dry skin or tattered hair. It has meant one or two (or three) drinks out with friends. It has meant dinner dates and movie nights. It has meant the return of my sense of humor and goofiness. It has meant living in a house with shared food and having that be completely okay. It has meant adopting a cat from the animal shelter and feeling like I can care for and about something outside of myself. It has meant falling in love. In short, recovery has given me life.

Thinking of how small my world was in the depths of anorexia, and even in early recovery, devastates me. I was petrified of gaining weight, and my entire life revolved around food and exercise. My parameters were so ridged that I couldn’t enjoy anything, all in the interest of keeping my size under control. What a fucking waste it was, and how glad I am now to not know my weight, to buy bigger pants without a panic attack, and to know with confidence that I am actually living my life. I feel like I say this in almost every post, but please know that recovery is worth it. It is so worth it. And it’s the only way to show society that being smaller does not make us happier. I feel as though sharing my story, teaching those around me that losing 100 pounds did not give me nearly as much purpose as gaining 50 of those back has, is the only way to help people understand how detrimental our obsession with weight is. I weigh more now than I did three years ago, and I am a hell of a lot happier.


This brings me to the end of my post, where I make an exciting announcement. A few months ago, a dear friend of mine contacted me about appearing on the podcast that she works on, called Here Be Monsters. She knew me at my heaviest weight, watched me descend into anorexia from afar, and wanted to know the story behind the experience. I was honored to be considered, and we spent a wonderful weekend talking together. And today, on my three year recovery anniversary, the show is airing! Head over to to check it out after 1:00pm Pacific Time!


Worthwhile Reads 9.25.16

Hey there! I’m actually blogging twice in one week, and I can hardly believe it, but I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to get in on Amanda’s weekly link-up. It was another week of great reads, and I can’t help but pass them along. Enjoy!




Normal Eating is Healthy Eating

Robyn nails down some great points once again.

Nobody Cares How Much You Weigh

Things recovery has taught me: people don’t care how much you weigh, and you likely do not see yourself the way that others see you.

This New York Fashion Week Was The Most Body-Positive Yet

We have a long way to go, but we’re making progress.

Anti-Obesity Message Contributing to Rise in Eating Disorders


When Workouts Go Too Far

Repeat after me: it is possible to exercise too much.

Life, Etc.

‘A Five-Alarm Threat to Our Future Food Supply’: Experts Describe Bayer-Montanto Merger

This kind of stuff makes me a little nervous.


That’s it for this week- I hope the rest of your Sunday is fantastic!

What I Ate Wednesday 9/21/16

Good morning! I’m trying to get back into the habit of writing in general, and back into the habit of blogging. As I have moved through the recovery process, blogging has felt less necessary for me, primarily because I’m just so busy. I think it is really important for there to be blogs out there of people who are pursuing full lives through recovery, though, and I want to be that kind of blog. So, I’m back at it today! I’m linking up with Jenn to share a day’s worth of food with you, which I haven’t done in quite some time.

This particular day was one in which I was visiting Indiana for my best friend’s wedding. I landed at 6am in Chicago, and I was starving when I got off of the plane. Before getting on the train to Indiana, I stopped at Panera for some oatmeal and a whole lot o’ coffee.


oatmeal with strawberries and pecans

While on the train, I snacked on a bag of trail mix that I had brought with me.


My friend picked me up in Indiana, and we grabbed some lunch on the way into town. One of the grocery stores there has a great salad bar, so we decided to stop there.


salad with cottage cheese, garbanzo beans, and  vinaigrette

After I had settled in for a few minutes, it was time for my friend’s bachelorette party group yoga class! If you’re ever hosting a bachelorette party, I highly recommend this idea. It was such a nice way to spend time together, and it was something that my friend absolutely loved.

When we finished with our class, we went back to my friend’s house to get ready for our bachelorette party dinner. While we were getting ready, we snacked on various little things to hold us over until dinner.


Oreo cookies, pretzel sticks, and unpictured M&M’s. 

After we had fancied ourselves up, we headed out to dinner together at a nice restaurant. Everything looked incredible, and after much deliberation I decided to order mussels and a plate of goat cheese, which came with little toasts. I also ordered a cocktail with jalapeno-infused vodka, which was absolutely delicious.

img_0037 img_0039

We got home pretty late, and I was exhausted from a long day of travel. I walked to the house where I was staying, had a little snack, and collapsed into bed.


homemade granola, m&m’s, and pretzels

It was wonderful to spend the weekend celebrating my friend’s wedding, especially because food fears feel so far away to me now. They are still there, and they occasionally pop up unexpectedly, but I feel as though I can actually live my life now. I can have a cocktail while out to dinner because it’s a special occasion. I can order what I really want at a restaurant. I can travel without crippling anxiety.

With these freedoms, I have gained weight. There was a time when that idea was the most terrifying thing in the world to me. Now that I’m living it, though, it doesn’t feel quite so scary. I have gained weight, but I can think again. I have gained weight, but I can exercise without feeling exhausted. I have gained weight, but I have gained a life as well. If you feel like you are the exception in recovery, the person who really does have to restrict forever, let me assure you that you are not. I’m going to be entirely honest: you will probably need to gain weight, but it will be so fucking worth it.

Worthwhile Reads 9.18.16

Good morning! I finally have some time to sit down and put together a Worthwhile Reads for y’all. I’ve come across some great reads over the past couple of weeks, but I’ve just had too much going on to do much blogging. I’m still here, though, and I’m glad to be able to share some of those reads with you today!



Saying Goodbye to Size “Sick”

Accepting a larger size is hard, but it is so essential for recovery.

Extreme Hunger in Eating Disorder Recovery: Why You’re Not Bingeing and Other Fears Explained

If you’re struggling with extreme hunger, please read this.

How I Learned That My Body is Beautiful Just the Way It Is

Such a beautiful story of choosing to love ourselves and our bodies as they are.

The Fuck It Diet is Temporary

Does healing ourselves mean never exercising again? No. Does it mean we can’t choose salad over fries again? Of course not. But being more extreme in our recoery may be what we need while we rid ourselves of our disordered relationship with food and our bodies.


Life, Etc.

The Worst Types of Workplace Sexists – And How to Avoid Them

Sexism is something we can deal with in any work environment, and it’s good to be equipped with how to handle it.

Teen Creates App So Bullied Kids Never Have to Eat Alone

This is so cool! It’s great to see young people with creative minds doing so much good.

Why Women Need a Tribe

Amen to this. It is so vital to have a strong support system for our entire lives.

It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are

Such a fascinating concept to consider in our efforts to understand trauma.

That’s it for this week’s links – I hope your week starts out wonderfully!

Worthwhile Reads 9.4.16

Good evening, lovely readers! Things have been a little crazy in my life, so I haven’t had blogging on my mind much. In fact, I was heading to bed last night when I thought to myself, “Oh shit! Tomorrow is Sunday and I haven’t put together a Worthwhile Reads post!” I was too tired to throw one together last night, but better late than never, right? After all, I do have some great reads to share with you all.

Coffee cup 9.4


Losing The Diet Is Not Losing

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the point at which dieting becomes disordered, and this post is a great resource for giving up dieting even in its most seemingly innocent forms.

My Body Positive Journey

There isn’t necessarily a before and after in our journeys with our bodies. They are ongoing, and ever-changing, which is pretty incredible.

Weight Watchers Led to My Eating Disorder. Here’s How.

It seems like Weight Watchers is often seen as the healthiest diet because it teaches things like portion control and doesn’t demonize some foods over others as much as some diets do. It can, however, lead to an eating disorder in the same way that any other diet can.

Surprise: Not Shaming People About Weight Helps Combat Both Anorexia And Obesity

Seriously, people. Can we finally learn this lesson?

I’ve Experienced Fat Shaming and Thin Shaming and I Can Tell You Which One Is Worse

Yup. Thin shaming isn’t good by any stretch of the imagination, but fatness does not hold the same positive connotations as thinness does, and that is the reality.

Life, Etc.


Why Talking About Death Should Be a Natural Part of Life

Amen to this. I used to work at a grief center for children and families, and I can’t overemphasize the importance of speaking about death in an honest and open way.

11 Ways To Make Dating Fun And Not Stressful

Dating always kind of sucks, but there are ways to make it suck less.

That’s it for this week! Have a fantastic Monday!

Thinking Out Loud 9/1/16: Feeling Thankful

Good morning! How are you on this fabulous day in September? I’m feeling great today, because I just slept for over ten hours. I can’t remember the last time that happened, but I decided to sleep without an alarm clock and that’s where I ended up! Nothing feels better than a solid night of rest, am I right?

This morning, I’m linking up with Amanda to share some of the things that I’m feeling thankful for right now. There has been a lot going on in my life, and I felt the need to pause for a moment to recognize how grateful I feel.




This awesome new snack container that I bought at Grocery Outlet (the best store ever). It’s so much better than using a plastic bag because your food doesn’t get crushed and it’s endlessly reusable!


The opportunity to see Malala speak this week. She came to Portland, and it was a privilege to be able to go. What a courageous, impassioned person! She lives with an attitude of humility and activism that is astounding.


A beautiful rainbow after the first rainy day in a while. I was feeling a little blah about the rain coming back, but seeing this was a reminder that rain is a beautiful part of our climate.


My mom bought me this badass chair when she was visiting here, and it is a godsend. Although it’s getting less warm these days, I’ve been enjoying reclining in the back yard while I can!


I have experienced phenomenal support over the past few weeks, and I can’t begin to explain how grateful I am for that. I found out recently that I need to have surgery soon, and it’s not something I’m looking forward to. Fortunately, my friends and coworkers here, along with my family back home, have been so supportive. I’m still not looking forward to surgery, but having such incredible people around me makes it much more tolerable.


I moved to Portland a year ago this week, and I am endlessly grateful for all that has happened since. I have met amazing people, pushed myself beyond my comfort zone countless times, and truly formed a life here. I feel gratitude for every person who has helped make this first year here such a phenomenal one!

That is in no way an exhaustive list of the things for which I feel thankful, but it’s a start. We have so little control over the things that happen in our lives, but we can always control our attitudes. I get frustrated and complain plenty, but sometimes it’s nice to think of all there is to feel grateful for.

Worthwhile Reads 8.28.16

Good morning! How has your weekend been? Mine has been busy, as usual, but quite lovely. It has been far too long since I’ve put together a Worthwhile Reads post for y’all, and I’m looking forward to linking up with Amanda today to share some of the great links I’ve seen over the past few weeks!

Coffee cup 8.28


Fitness Trackers for Kids: McDonald’s Dangerous New Marketing Ploy

I remember when McDonald’s included pedometers in meals when I was in middle school, and I remember it becoming somewhat obsessive for me. I wholly advocate for encouraging activity, but I think there are ways to do that without focusing on specific numbers.

Sweet Nothings: Life With An Eating Disorder

A beautiful post on the similarities between an eating disorder and a relationship.

Confidence in Eating (lots of food)

As always, The Fuck It Diet provides an awesome countercultural perspective.

What I Wanted My Partner to Know About My Eating Disorder But Never Said

Great things to know for those who love somebody with an eating disorder.

Your Body Positivity Needs To Include More Than Just You

Body positivity should include all bodies: the differently abled, the scarred, the “perfect,” the large, the small, and the in-between.

The Difference Between Full Recovery and Recovered Enough

It’s easy to get stuck in a “recovered enough” place, but we can all do better for ourselves.

What Intuitive Eating Is Not

It is not perfection, and it is not a diet, among other things.


Life, etc.

How I Got Over FOMO as an Introvert

Its hard to accept introversion without feeling like we are missing out, but it is worth trying to be okay with the fact that we may often be happier in smaller groups or on our own. I have found that I am much happier when I simply validate my choice to lie low and not waste time wishing I were more extroverted.

Batman The Four-Eared Supercat Finds a Forever Home

This was just too good to pass up.

The Culture Of The Smug White Liberal

This article points out things that may be hard to hear, but need to be considered nonetheless.

The New “Ghostbusters” and Race: Why It Matters That Leslie Jones Isn’t Playing One of the Scientists

I enjoyed the movie, but I had a lot of thoughts along these lines.



That’s all I have for this week’s roundup – I hope you have a fantastic remainder of your Sunday!


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